Friday, September 08, 2006

Barclays Bank is, of course, rhyming slang.

(I promise you, this is the last time I will mention this.)

Got a delightful letter from Barclays this morning.

"In our previous letter [no, I didn't get one] we promised to provide you with an answer to your complaint as quickly as possible. [Well, no you didn't, but carry on] I am now able to do so. [Sweet joy incorruptible!]

You advise that you called for a new card and found that a marker had been applied to your address which prevented a new card from being despatched [nice use of the word 'advise', as if I had been stroking my chin and puffing on a hookah while dispensing pearls of wisdom, rather than tearing my hair out at the end of a phone].

May I, at the outset, offer you my sincere apologies for the trouble and inconvenience you have experienced in respect of this matter. [What a shocking sentence, sounds like a cross between Tony Blair at his most sanctimonious and one of those nigerian scam e-mails. Still, if his apologies are 'sincere', what horrible person would spurn them?]

I have tried to contact you to discuss this matter, but I have been unsuccessful in reaching you. [Liar. I left my home phone number and e-mail address. I have an answering machine, you know.]

Your address has now been amended correctly to show as above on all our records. [Yes, and I'll bloody well tell you why - because I went into a branch on Friday and did it!!! How dare you take credit for this? Ahem.]

It carries on for a while in similarly touchy-feely bollocks vein. It is then signed 'Ian Tottey', which is surely a joke name.

You know, I am sorely tempted to take my constant infringement on my overdraft limit somewhere else. Bah.


Anonymous hm said...

Now which of this lot do you reckon Tottey is then?

Click here and watch the happy, smiley, spanish faces - they change if you stare hard enough. Oh to live the Barclays coporate dream. And judging by the faces, it appears they're still dreaming of Apartheid. Yeah, Barclays are way cool.

9/08/2006 1:15 pm  
Blogger lady miss marquise said...

Ha ha ha, all banks are corrupt. I've just started working for one, I can't recall the amount of times I've almost slipped up and said *Investment Wanking*

Good luck!

9/09/2006 9:59 pm  

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