Wednesday, July 26, 2006

A Bea in my bonnet.

Had my roots done this morning, dahling, before going shopping. (And had my eyebrows threaded, something which is going on my 'Most Painful Beauty Procedures' list, for definite). Tired out from all that, I had lunch with Emma, but after she left I hung round, drinking mineral water and eating sorbet and trying to look organic. So there I was, on my own, when one of the waitresses came over.

Oh look, I thought, she's got a labret piercing. Smile. So I did, and she came over. "Can I... er... can I ask you something?"
Aw, I thought, she's going to ask me about my ears. I mentally prepared the stock answer: "Yes, they are stretched... ooh, about a centimetre... no, they'd shrink back again - it's only if you go over half an inch you get the dog's arse effect."
She hadn't spoken by this point, and was hopping slightly from foot to foot. "Are you... are you -"
She looked pained, before continuing. "Are you Princess Fergie's daughter?"

This is just getting ridiculous.


Blogger Kieran said...

So...are you?

Am I right in thinking you're saying it's possible for an ear to look like a dog's arse? Fantastic. Will that be in the novel?

7/26/2006 6:02 pm  
Anonymous flawedgalatea said...

Er, no. But I have been mistaken for her before, by a News Of the World reporter, no less.

Actually, I have even worse teeth than she does. Also, I am not fifth in line to the throne.

Your ear lobe can indeed look like a dog's arse, if you pierce it, stretch the piercing, then remove the piercing.

Oh, and it's all going in the novel.

7/26/2006 6:20 pm  
Anonymous Laura said...

I hope you said yes! And stole free drinks and tea from her. Just think, she might have rang the paparazzi and you could be in Heat next week.....

7/26/2006 6:57 pm  
Anonymous stroke zero said...

There's only going to be one novel?

Sweet zeus' beard: it'll be like trying to carry around a breeze block.

Breeze blocks, by the way - not made out of breezes. Won't be making *that* mistake again.

7/26/2006 7:11 pm  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Eyebrows threaded...? I have no idea what that means, but someone recently recommended that my wife never get it done, presumably because of the pain thing. Sounds like something that people shouldn't be doing to themselves.

7/26/2006 7:47 pm  
Anonymous flawedgalatea said...

It was done to me by a frighteningly small Indian woman who managed, using just a length of cotton, to inflict levels of pain that would have made Tomas de Torquemada give up and become a plumber.

Last time I was in, she kindly offered to wax my bikini line, whilst pointing, worryingly, at my buttocks. I declined with alacrity.

7/26/2006 8:03 pm  
Blogger a.c.t said...

I had my eyebrows threaded when I lived in Dubai as it only cost £2. In fact, everything was so cheap I didn't have to do anything myself. Never again mind you, it was so hot having to wear a hijab for the two days after trying to conceal the redness.
I presume you've also been mistaken for Neve Campbell then?

7/27/2006 12:38 am  
Blogger a.c.t said...

Oh I've just realised you meant Beatrice, I thought you meant the other one. God, you must have been mistaken for Prince Andrew as well then? They look so alike it's scary.

7/27/2006 12:41 am  
Blogger Colemanballs said...

Hehe I wished I'd stuck around to see that one. Instead I was stuck in an office watching behind splayed fingers as a journo asked his editor if Europe had a capital 'E' because "it wasn't strictly a country."


7/27/2006 2:02 pm  
Anonymous flawedgalatea said...

You'd imagine that the rest of my family would bear some resemblance to the Yorks, but they don't. Not at all.

Oh my God. Maybe I am - as I have always suspected - a changeling. Maybe I am Fergie's lovechild, and was sent away in 1983 to avoid embarrassment... Ha! That would make me at least as royal as Prince Harry. I should be falling out of clubs and getting into fights and dressing as a Nazi, too.

Nurse! The pills!

7/27/2006 4:15 pm  

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