ten things that have recently made me feel bad:
1. That I am far too annoyed by people who try to open the doors on
the tube by pressing the door opening buttons. Don't they realise that
the doors open automatically? (Obviously passengers on the DLR, where
the doors do not open automatically, are exempt from this.) I stand
behind them, fuming. Then immediately after I feel that I must be a
horrible person to be so enraged by their innocent and logical
assumptions about the Tube.
2. That on the way to work yesterday, I was so deeply enjoying This Is
Craig Brown (thoroughly recommended), particularly the piece where he
interviews Tony Blackburn, that I failed to notice the tiny little old
lady on the Tube and so left her to the tender mercies of standing up
amid a group of rowdy Eastern European schoolchildren. When I looked
up to check I'd arrived at the right station and noticed her, I felt
compelled to affect a slight limp as I left the train so everyone
wouldn't hate me.
3. That I saw on the story list that an Air Force plane had crashed, I
was excited because it might have been someone important. Then I was
disappointed to find out it was a cargo plane. Ouch. It reminded me of
the bit in the Piers Morgan diaries where they hear Concorde has
crashed and start speculating what celebs were on board. When the TV
broadcasts the news that the plane was carrying a party of German
tourists, the entire news floor groans. Then they realise they are
4. That two close friends have told me things in the last few days,
and I simply haven't believed them. Uh oh, never a good sign.
5. That I sent a joke talking email to a friend which contained, inter
alia, the phrase "I want to feel your warm love juice running down my
thighs." He played it in front of his mother.
6. That the mother concerned does not know it was me that sent her son
an obscene talking email, and when I next meet her, she will think I
am a lovely well-brought up girl and not a borderline sexual deviant.
7. That I am so sad I read the free newspapers which come through our
door and scoff at their poor use of drop caps, and their inability to
use either an em dash or an en dash consistently.
8. That I have watched so much of Buffy Series 6 in the last few days
that I am more worried about whether Spike and Buffy can ever be
together than I am concerned for any of my *real-life* friends.
9. That I spent twenty minutes explaining to my housemate Max, a
history graduate, how strongly I believe that Henry VII killed the
Princes in the Tower, not Richard III.
10. That I am such a loser I can so easily think of ten things I feel
guilty about right now.