Thursday, March 02, 2006

mea culpa

Sorry I haven't posted - been a weird, sad and busy two weeks, plus I'm trying to appreciate the dying gasps of my social life before starting the Anti-Social Hours of Death in earnest next week.

Also, I can't decide what to blog on at the moment - there are a few things that have mildly piqued my interest, but who can get excited about Tessa Jowell's husband? Possibly, judging by the pictures, not even Tessa Jowell. But I am quite tempted to detail how rubbish I am at flirting for you - really, really rubbish. This week I finally engaged the office fittie in book-based conversation, which was going well until I ended up talking about Iain M Banks' Consider Phlebas.

Now, talking about science fiction is bad enough. But it was as the phrase "there's this island, and they have this chieftain, who eats all the food, and everyone else has to eat poo" came out of my mouth that I remembered why I don't flirt. Then yesterday I tried to rectify the poo-talk mistake and ended up talking about... fonts. Bloody fonts! I'm not even all that interested in fonts, and it's part of my job - why in the name of all that's holy would anyone else care?

God, it's shameful. I'm afraid it's time for Make Myself More Attractive Plan B: extensive cosmetic surgery. I'm already on a diet (feeling very smug as I eke out my salad and Diet Coke in the canteen at lunch, glaring balefully at the others' lamb meatballs) but I was going to save talking about that to use the Protestant's pun as the title of the post: I Predict A Diet.

Shame. Deep shame. Right, next week the new world order dawns - no more crap puns, no more flirting, no more half-arsed posts. Only the choicest cuts of tender opinion rump. Actually, add to that list: no more rubbish metaphors, either.

--

If you want something that's worth reading, head over to The Christopher Hitchens Web. Right now, I love The Hitch so much it hurts inside. Then I found this anecdote from The Weekly Standard, when the Hitch was trying to get involved in Iraq as an unembedded reporter, and contacted this guy:

"You can tell how at ease a man is in the world from the scarcity of possessions he lugs around with him. When I came here, it was with large backpacks and overstuffed duffels, extraneous tote bags, pouches, and carry-ons. But Hitchens showed up at my door with nothing more than a firm handshake and a half-smoked pack of Rothman's. As he stood there, rumpled and slightly jetlagged in blue jeans and a black leather jacket, he looked sort of like the Fonz -if the Fonz had been a British former socialist who could pinch large swaths of Auden from memory.

We plopped down in the living room, and I asked him why he hadn't brought his gas mask, chem suit, and Kevlar. "I wore Kevlar in the Balkans once," he said, "but it made me feel like a counterfeit, so I ditched it." Despite this cavalier disregard for safety, I was so grateful for the company that I offered him a Welcome-To-Kuwait shot of "Listerine" (as it is known by Kuwaiti customs officials). "I don't usually start this early," said Hitchens with feigned reluctance, "but holding yourself to a drinking schedule is always the first sign of alcoholism."

(Yes, he's knocked Jeremy Clarkson off the top spot on my 'I Wish He Were My Wife' list.)

10 Comments:

Blogger hangthedj said...

You fly by night hussy...one day its Clarkson, the next Boris now Hitchens...I dont know! At least the great one can count on one constant devotee...

3/04/2006 12:16 pm  
Blogger galatea said...

God, I'd totally forgotten about Boris. Now he's a serious politician, not an inept philandering editor/cyclist, I've gone right off him.

there will always be david mitchell, though.

3/04/2006 1:51 pm  
Blogger marrow-from-harrow said...

I think you'll find it's me you want to marry. Me you want to fuck. I'm v. sexy.

3/07/2006 10:49 am  
Blogger leflange said...

Read his blog. He's my blogging protegé. Not that I blog anymore.

3/07/2006 2:23 pm  
Blogger Butterfly Jones said...

Re: Hitchens, as a famous bimbo once said: "That's hot."

3/07/2006 11:21 pm  
Blogger marrow-from-harrow said...

As some women once said, 'Don't you wish you Hitch was hot like me?'

I am beauty.

3/08/2006 11:43 am  
Blogger bleakspouse said...

Boris is lovely. Even sexier now that he's a bit more serious. Clarkson, though...[shudders]

3/08/2006 1:44 pm  
Blogger hangthedj said...

Oh come on...what Clarkson lacks in looks he makes up for in wit and trendy outfits...just look at those stunning jacket and jeans combos...

3/08/2006 8:57 pm  
Blogger galatea said...

I'm thinking the current top five runs like this:

1. David Mitchell of Peep Show fame
2. The Hitch
3. Jeremy Clarkson
4. BoJo
5. TV's Richard Hammond

Although there are also Alan Rickman, Louis Theroux and Derren Brown in the play-offs. I'd have a crack at Stephen Fry if I met him too, to be honest.

3/08/2006 10:32 pm  
Blogger marrow-from-harrow said...

And me?

3/09/2006 3:13 pm  

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