Monday, November 14, 2005

galatea's centre for the easily amused; and random statistics.

From Hello! magazine's interview with Jean-Christophe Novelli, earlier this year:

"He was asked to leave school at 14, and found a job in a local
bakery. it was there he fell in love with cooking. "I loved the smell,
the noise, the taste of fresh bread and the feel of the dough. It was
a joy."
Sadly, the bakery was closed following an industrial accident after a
colleague fell into a dough mixer."

(See? Not only does Hello! smell great, but it does po-faced bathos extraordinarily well. I love that "sadly". The same issue also presents, without a trace of irony, Lord Freddie Windsor's Cannes diary. Sample text: "Met Paris Hilton, who is very friendly." Move over Tom Wolfe, this is the New Journalism.)


Anyway, I'm finding it hard to write a coherent blog entry, as I have been driven mad by the number of Christmas-based features I have read in the last ten days. Did you know that a greener alternative to a Christmas tree is to take the kids out, find some twigs and leaves, and decorate them with baubles? Neither did I, and frankly it sounds shit, but there we go.

I have also discovered that Jamie Oliver's favourite Christmas memory is the time his Nan wore too much hairspray, leant towards a candle, and set her hair on fire, that Mutya from Sugababes will be out of the country this Yuletide (kids, it's safe to come out from behind the sofa!) and that 80,000 people end up in casualty due to Christmas-related accidents. All of which gave me a chuckle.

So, inspired by my efforts to find synonyms for 'Christmas' (5 and counting - play along at home!), I present this entry in pared down alphanumeric form:

  • Number of people who have been sick in my room in the previous fortnight: 2 (neither of them were me).
  • Terms which, when put into search engines, have directed people to this blog: “richard hammond fan club”, “rebecca loos pig video”, “i admit i made a mistake”, “gamekeepers”, “anal ponders”, "poorun blog", “rebecca guttersniper”, "charlie dimmock nipples" (even I am at a loss to explain that last one - can't remember ever writing about dimmock's nips).
  • Number of emails sent today: 22.
  • Times I have been to the loo today, purely for lack of anything better to do: 2.
  • Average number of words read per working day for my job: 7,500.
  • Average number of words read per working day not related to my job: 20,000.
  • People who I think are dead if they don’t email for a whole day: 4.
  • Words and phrases I have removed from features given to me to sub this week: "it is possible to become the perfect hostess without going Christmas crackers"; "swarv"; "hostess with the mostest".
  • Number of national newspaper editors I have texted while pissed to say "du bist ein legend": 0 (if only the same could be said of my friends)
  • Best news story of the week so far: Rugby fan cuts off tackle.


    Anonymous Laura said...

    Yay - I *am* one of the two people who has been sick in your bedroom!

    Normally when discussing party events I have to answer with, "Really? I didn't see that. I was probably reading in the corner."

    11/15/2005 10:37 pm  
    Blogger galatea said...

    but to be fair to you, you were sick in a bucket (albeit at half-hourly intervals you could have set your watch by) rather than all over the window, walls, carpet and curtains.

    11/16/2005 10:25 am  
    Anonymous Pedro said...

    Stop with the vomit slamming, to whomever it might be directed. And sources close to the texter tell me it was the (grammatically incorrect) 'du bist eine legend' that was written, not 'ein' as you write.

    11/19/2005 9:31 pm  
    Blogger galatea said...

    glossing over the large point that 'legend' is not a real German word, nor indeed, is the editor in question a German, making the choice of language a little bizarre.

    11/21/2005 4:26 pm  

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